Obama fires Somali Pirate leader

Obama fires Somali Pirate leader
April, 9 2009
In an unprecedented move President Barack Hussein Obama has fired the leader of the Somali Pirate cell responsible for the capture of Merchant Marine Captain Richard Phillips. Captain Phillips is an American Citizen that lives in Underhill, Vermont. President Obama said the actions of the Pirate leader Aba Ubu where “disappointing” and that “differences of opinion on broader issues” would not permit the President to negotiate with the Pirate leader for the release of the Captain. Then, under pressure from the Somali Pirate Organization’s Governing Board of Directors Aba Ubu was forced to step down.
The Pirate B.O.D. then decided that Abdikarim Nadif Korfa would replace the publicly disgraced Ubu. President Obama announced that he was pleased with the Pirate B.O.D.’s decision and believed that he could make “real progress” with Pirate leader Korfa and would immediately seek face to face negotiations. In an audio broadcast from Air Force One released at 9:30 a.m. EST. President Obama described a conversation he had with Mr. Korfa via telephone and stated the newly installed Pirate leader was “willing to make tough concessions.” The President added that Mr. Korfa had agreed to “immediately halt the capture of all non coal-burning vessels.” President Obama said he was “particularly enthusiastic that both of us agreed ummm(inaudible)…agreed it was important to seek, seek consensus on a smaller, more environmentally friendly fleet of Pirate ships that would include a mix of hybrid vessels as well as those powered with alternative fuels.” President Obama went on to say “Mr.Korfa was concerned that there is no electric grid, and consequently ummmm (inaudible) no electricity in the failed ummm...Or, I should say...hummm…underprivileged and…um-more IMPORTANTLY…Dis-disadvantaged state of Somalia.”
AT this point, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs continued the conversation stating the President had to take an important phone call from pop-sensation Miley Cirus.
Mr. Gibbs further described the conversation stating, “Bio Diesel though available in Somalia, is currently made from the flesh of peasants which are increasingly rare as many of Somalia's citiz-well...the people now living in the area once known as or the Recognized area of Somalia. The good news is the majority of the peasant population is now gainfully employed in the flourishing Pirate industry. President Obama has stated that the restructuring of Somalia’s work force was an encouraging sign. The President said he does not agree with all of Somalia's energy policies but he is confident there will be areas where they will share common ground. And both leaders where committed to having a fruitful yet, spirited discussion when they meet in Cairo, Egypt in the coming days.
President Obama then announced his intentions to give a press conference shortly after meeting with Mr. Korfa from the steps of The Great Pyramid of Giza considered one of the Worlds Seven Wonders.
The President did not confirm or deny rumors that his trip to the Pyramids might point to the President’s greater ambition of seeking the position of “Eighth Wonder of the World” stating only “When it comes to the Gods, everything is on the table.”
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was no longer available for comment.